Blogs are meant for sharing, journaling, requesting, and updating...I have been doing NONE of that! We are so sorry for the lack of communication and information over the past six months or so. The only excuse I have is that I just did not know what to say. After what we've been through and what has happened I think we needed time to process. We have been through anger and fear and hopelessness, and those just don't seem like things that people want to read about in a blog!
We have been trying to start our family for over two years and we seem to hit a wall with every attempt. Physically, emotionally, financially...wall, after wall, after wall. My body didn't work the way we thought it would. The adoption system didn't work they way we thought it would. The legal system didn't work the way we thought it would. I think you probably get where I'm going with this...Let me see if I can catch you up on our journey and let you know where we stand today.
If you read the post before this one, you read that our second match was unsuccessful. If ONLY she had just changed her mind! There is, unfortunately, not much to report with that situation. The state of the birth mother's residence DID investigate the crime and DID tell us they were taking the case on as a criminal case. (This is good news for us. If they would not have, we would have had to pursue it civil court and we did not have the funds for something like that.) We have been in contact with the state's attorney periodically but nothing is happening with the speed that we would like it to happen. Outside of the sadness and disappointment that you face with a failed adoption, we were also just so disheartened to be deceived in this way. It felt so ugly. We dealt with the loss in different ways, but anger was one thing we both had in common. I think with ALL that we have been through, this situation is the one that kept us asking God "why?"...
Financially, this second failed adoption and the way in which it failed, hurt us the most financially. We were upset about the failed adoption and maybe even more upset that we did not have the immediate funds to begin a third adoption attempt. I am not a patient person and all of this waiting is TRYING to say the least. But the thought of having to WAIT in order to even start the process of officially WAITING was devastating to me. But God blessed us with a group of friends that selflessly organized a trivia night to benefit our financial situation. It was amazing!! The money raised that evening gave us the ability to start the process on a third adoption attempt and that alone was a gift. But in all honesty, the night gave us so much more. The event brought us into contact with almost 300 people who donated their time, money, services, and gifts to the function. These acts of kindness, MANY from people we did not even know, did so much in the way of healing our hearts....of reminding us that people are generally good, kind, loving people. We are so grateful for ALL that that night did for us!
So now, we are....again....waiting. :) We are working with the same adoption agency. We know, some people are having a hard time understanding this choice. But, in our hearts, we feel the agency was just has deceived by the last birth mother as we were. They care for us and we believe, genuinely want us to have a baby and want to be a part of helping us begin our family. We trust them and believe they are truthful with us in the good and bad times. We have changed our criteria for a match though...we are choosing to wait for a birth mother whose due date is 4-8 weeks from the date of our match with her. (Previously we had been matched at 6 months and at 5 months from the match date). We just feel that emotionally and financially, this is a better decision for us a this time. But....this requires more WAITING. Our agency is making matches right now with birth moms due in October. And as much as we long for that hopeful time and the promise of a baby, 7 months is just too much time for things to go wrong. We believe in prayer and we believe in God's timing. Sometimes it is not always easy...in fact it sometimes feels down right impossible to endure this any longer. But no matter how impossible it seems, we always wake up the next day and do the waiting and hoping and praying some more.
So...if you are a prayer, we gladly accept all prayers. :) Please pray for mercy for our hearts and finances as we continue on this journey. Please pray for courage and patience, as I know ALL that I have possess comes not from me but from above. And above all else, please continue to pray that God brings to our family the perfect baby for us.
