Women have been taking maternity leave for decades. When I thought about taking my maternity leave I never thought that that decision would effect people in the way that it has. Let me see if I can explain....My job has always been a major priority in my life. Until I met my husband, it was my #1 priority. Teaching my students was just a part of the job for me. I invest myself in them for the 9 months they are in my room. I invest in their education, socialization, emotional well-being, success, and happiness. Many of you reading this may not believe me. For those of you who know me well, I hope you agree with me. I may not have always been successful with each and every student but I did try. On top of all of this investing I've got going on, there is the actual "job" of teaching. And anyone that works with me will tell you that I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my work. This level of commitment to my job takes time and work. Parents were always pleased with me, students reported that they loved being in my room, and my administrators were always happy with my work. All of this is doable to a person with no children, no health problems, extra time at home, and a pretty low-maintenance hubby. :) But two years ago, it all changed. My health problems began due to bad pregnancies and life at home became pretty stressful for us. I had four surgeries in a ten-month period of time and three of those surgeries created a lot of sadness for us as well. My work suffered. Period. I didn't have the energy for myself let alone for my students. I missed more school in one year than I had missed in my ten year career. Staying organized and on top of things in the manner that I had grown accustomed to was very difficult. The people that were supportive of me at work could be counted on one hand with fingers left over. People who did know what was going on (Granted MANY people did not know, as I had developed a sudden sense of privacy about my personal life.) didn't seem to have the compassion for what I was going through and still expected me to perform at the level that I had performed at before everything started getting crazy in my life. I felt as if no one had any grace for the hard time I was going through. A month or more of struggling and the nine years of a squeaky clean, above average work ethic was forgotten. This is the point where I learned a tough lesson...well, it was tough for me. Work comes second to my family and myself. That seems obvious but for me if took months to accept. I love what I do for a living but I may not be able to keep the status quo that I have created for myself. I have to take care of myself and I have to do what is best for my family.
That means that I am taking three months off of school to take care of our new baby. Yes, that's a lot of time. Yes, my students will have a substitute. Yes, it is likely she will do things a little different than me. Yes, it will be a transition for the students. But more importantly...YES, they will all be ok. I felt so torn between doing what everyone at work wanted me to and doing what I feel is best for my family. I shouldn't have had to feel that way! I work in the business of humans. I don't leave a desk, rolodex and computer behind to gather dust and be right where I left them when I get back. I leave 20 little humans who will grow a little taller, be a little smarter, and know a little more about life when I return. NOTHING will be where I left it when I get back. All I can do is prepare and plan in the best way I know how before I leave. It has truly been a frustrating, confusing, and sometimes hurtful process.
But on the other side of that confusion and hurt, there is a better me. Someone who knows what it is like to work hard at her job but put her family first. Someone who maybe doesn't worry quite so much about what her peers, parents, and administrators think about her. Someone who knows who she can trust and rely on during the hard times. I have to think that that someone has learned a lesson that will help her be an even better mom.
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