As we wrestled over this decision – not IF to adopt, but how to go about finding a birth mother- we kept praying “Can You please just send us a sign?” “Can You please just make it clear what to do?” It’s funny how God can send you a message, so clearly, but you just don’t see it for what it is right away.
After three miscarriages, the medical world finally looks up, notices you, and extends its hand to help. Tests are all of a sudden paid for, specialists look at you as worth their time…3 is the magic number. (My doctor- who I absolutely LOVE- actually said to me “Well, at least now you’ve had three and insurance will actually pay for things.” Lucky me.) So I agreed to undergo the obligatory blood work for the procedural round of tests. But, oddly, we weren’t focused on the outcome of these tests. We were focused on our decision to adopt. We were tired of the heartache and stress that pregnancy had brought to our doorstep and saw adoption as the way to get our little RedFisch. But again…we were wrestling with what path to take and how strongly to follow that path. Honestly, at this point, we had different opinions on the subject. But we both knew that this decision was something that we had to come to an agreement on. We had to wait to take any actions until we were BOTH comfortable with the decision we made.
The answer came one day when our phone rang. The doctor delivered some “news” to us that we were not expecting…at all. Even after all we had been through, this “news” really surprised. It was sad, confusing, unexpected, and definitive. As we began to deal with what this “news “ meant to us as a couple, as a family, and as individuals we realized that we had gotten EXACTLY what we had asked for…a clear answer from God, directing us towards the path we were to take. That revelation was freeing and gave us confidence in our the decision to put all of our hope, attention, energy, and money into doing whatever we needed to do (all THREE of Dr. Heller’s options!) into action.
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